I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
