I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
