3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
