lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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