i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
