after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
