Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I did not marry a roomba.
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