I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
