I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
