Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
