I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
