Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
