i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
