Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
