The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
