I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
