I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
