What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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