tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
