my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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