I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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