Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
