how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
