It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
