It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
