who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
