With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
