you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
