At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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