What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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