It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They took my balls.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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