He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
