there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
