I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
