she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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