Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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