I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
