Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
