lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
