The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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