Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
