so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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