i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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