Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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