I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Holy sore nipples Batman
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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