if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
