He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
