hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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