I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Someone signed my nipple.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
