i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
