Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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