Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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