It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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