reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
