I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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