It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
