That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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